The answer may be blowin’ in the wind

by M. Kent Travis, editor and fictionalist

It started with skirts.

Skirts? Yes. Skirts. The uniform policy has been in a minor state of disarray this year, primarily due to the length of skirts… or rather, the length that they are not.

It seems that the 3″ (MAX length) above the knee rule–front and back of the leg–is difficult to follow. The skirts keep getting shorter.

As a result, the administration has been working to correct the problem. (Problem? you ask. How are short skirts a problem? The answer is, they’re a distraction.)

However, seeking to address the short skirt issue (or rather, I should say “to DRESS the short skirt issue”) has caused the uncovering of even more uniform policy issues. Things like jacket color, headband color, leggings and sock color, scarf color, etc., have proven to be vile beasts, caged and awaiting release to wreak havoc.

And havoc they have wreaked. Once students realized the rules were “a bit fuzzy” (as one mischievous student said with a wink), they started wearing jackets, headbands, leggings, and socks of every color in and under the rainbow. Seeley Booth would be proud.

It sounds innocent enough, but the blaze of color has led to quarrels and even fisticuffs.

One student, “Jack”, explained: “It’s been pandamonium (vocab word). I can’t even walk down the halls without being blinded by somebody’s scarf seering my eyes or having my imagination burned as someone lifts up a pants leg to show off their ‘awesome socks.'”

It all came crashing down to “rock bottom” yesterday, “Jack” said. “There were hiked up pants legs and scarves and headbands and sweatshirts blazing everywhere during lunch. All of a sudden, one of the principals shouts out, ‘ENOUGH!’ on the mic. We all turn and look to see her standing on a table and shaking her finger at all of us at the same time.”

Apparently, the principal declared the coming of the “spring semester smackdown,” as she called it. There would be no more “infractions” or “pushing the envelope” or “finding loopholes” in the handbook.

She ended her tirade with, “Just follow the handbook, people!”

For the rest of the afternoon, things here at Brook Hill have simmered down. It seemed the students had decided to heed the principle’s warning.

However, this is far from over. Just this morning, the four note sound of the Mockingjay (from The Hunger Games) could be heard in the air around the library.

This can only mean that a uniform insurrection may be in the works. Be ready. We’re catching fire.

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